The Umbrella Over My Head
I often imagine an umbrella over my head. I clearly see the triangular seams of this umbrella divided into different thoughts, concepts, ideas, emotions, and choices. My umbrella protects me from myself. It protects me from runaway thoughts and allows me to reframe my moments one notion at a time. I hold tightly the handle and breathe deeply when decisions of challenge come my way.
Often these challenges revolve around parenting. I have been parenting a son for over 20 years, a daughter for almost 20 years and another son for nearly 17 years. My commitment to them began way before they were around. I always dreamt of being a mother, even at 8 years old I crammed the beachball under my t-shirt and imagined one day of birthing a baby. 24 years after that along with 1 loving husband later our first child was born. Elliot remained cozy and content inside my body and was birthed via caesarean over 20 hours after my first contraction. The breaking news that Elliot was to come into this world any other way then being pushed out of my vagina literally mocked me as the very first challenge of parenthood. The one where my 2-page birth plan quickly became obsolete. The plan that included the exact play list I was to listen to which included Helen Ready’s I am Woman and the one that listed the refusal of an epidural. The goal of bringing a baby safely into our arms never changed. What changed was the plan.
If the plan doesn’t work, change the plan, not the goal.
And so that is what happened, a healthy 6-pound 6 ounce baby boy was placed into my arms to love, to cherish, to teach and to support.
The umbrella over my head come rain or shine always reminds me that challenges and change require the ability to pivot with awareness and thought. Thinking in the moment and observing life from under the umbrella provides protection and security to find comfort in those changes and challenges. When decisions are weighed and choices are considered, results are concrete and the brief moment necessary to snap open the umbrella provides the needed breath to prepare for the storm.
